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| ok everyone, the time has come...I'm not going to be posting in this blog anymore. Feel free to bookmark my new blog and leave comments there!
http://belovedofgod.wordpress.com the end. | | |
| has anyone read this book by Don Miller? Seriously its probably one of the best books I've read. It's really shifted something in my spirit about who I am and how I live my life. The testimony of his own walk with the Lord has been provoking to me in so many ways because hearing about his life I feel like I can somewhat relate to it.
I need to be genuine, loving, compassionate, and kind. You may think I am, but deep down I am just as evil, judgmental, and hypocritical. After I read the chapter about how he set up a confessional booth on his very secular campus during this very immoral festival and instead of having people come confess sins like you think would happen these underground christians sat and confessed to each student of their own sin and the sins of those that did things in the name of Christ, when in reality Christ would have done nothing of the sort. It hit me because I love Jesus with all my heart and I want to follow Him completely but I am so stinkin' stubborn, I'm judgmental, I'm sarcastic, and down right rude at times. I look at someone and automatically categorize them, never giving it a second thought.
That's no good, and its not going to work for me anymore. I want compassion, I want to look into the eyes of any person I meet on the street and see what Jesus sees, not what the world sees. I want to be free from any fear of man and do what Jesus would do, hang out with the unloveable, extend a hand of compassion, feed the hungry, give rest to the weary, and love and speak truth into the lives of those I come in contact with daily. I'm sick of being mediocre. And the great thing is I know I can do this, because I know what is needed now - a deep life in Jesus, prayer, and communion with the Lord. I need to be in prayer constantly, I need to seek the Lord constantly, I need to place myself infront of that refining fire daily so I can get rid of these impurities and start seeing through eyes of mercy, and start loving like Jesus loved.
Again my perception of Jesus has been shifted, and its so good.
oh florida is amazing, I'm tan as tan can be, the beaches are beautiful and I'm sitting in my friend's friend's beachhouse right now and its right on the gulf, and its amazing. we're going to sarasota today to go shopping woo | | |
| it's that selfless act, the small things that one does for another.
I've been finding that it has become more difficult to do those things for other people. It used to be so easy, living in a community where it was natural to just love one another, but on the other side it becomes tiresome. Giving always, and never receiving, except knowing that I have a great reward on the other side waiting for me. A beautiful man, with a fiery love and devotion in His eyes, gazing upon me, waiting, longing to return. I'm still meditating on Psalm 119 - I've got that song stuck in my head that Brandon wrote, that everyone loves...my soul is consumed with longing for Your laws at every turn...
Personally, my soul is not consumed with longing for the laws of the Lord. I mean I keep thinking about that, usually I'm longing for His presence, His love, His grace and mercy. But His laws? Those things that I have to abide by that usually tend to be uncomfortable and opposite to what my flesh is crying out for? How does my soul long for something like that?
...the entry of Your word brings light and understanding to all...
That's how - it's in the Word, to fall in love with the Word, to meditate upon it day and night, night and day - that's how my soul becomes consumed with His laws.
...His leadership is perfect, and I will trust in Him... I turn 25 tomorrow, and it's the first time I'm not excited about a birthday, for a number of reasons. Mostly because I have no one here to celebrate it with me. Nothing planned really, nothing exciting to do - I'm not working, but I have no one to spend the day with. Just Jesus, and that should be the only thing that satisfies, but this weary soul longs for companionship in the physical form. I love Jesus, I do, my heart is His, but my flesh is weak. I will listen to You. | | |
| I've been meditating on Psalm 119 lately, mostly because we're studying it most friday nights with our worship with the word sets and I really want to have language to what we're studying. So here I am with my strong's concordance and my dictionary. So I feel dumb saying this but whatever, I didn't really know what the word entreated meant in verse I think 57 when he says I entreated your favor with my whole heart, well I wanted to know exactly what entreated meant so I looked it up and this is the definition: "to make an earnest request, to ask for earnestly (or urgently)" So I started to think about why David used the word entreated, and then I went and looked up earnest because honestly I wasn't quite sure what it meant either. and this is the defition of earnest: "serious in intention, purpose, or effort. sincerely zealous. Showing depth and sincerity of feeling, seriously important, demanding or receiving serious attention." So he's pretty serious about wanting the favor of the Lord with his whole heart right? And the fact that he says whole heart, not just heart, or part of his heart, but his whole heart he has so seriously demanded the Lord's favor. So then I began to wonder why he so desperately wanted the favor of God. I mean we all want the favor of God in our lives, but at that particular moment David was desperate. So I'm still searching as I write this out, still unknowing but I've had this hunger like never before so it's exciting to me, I feel like there's a little piece of me that has been re-awakened to the Lord's nearness, to His presence. I know He's near to me, He's always near to me, but I feel like it's me who pushes away - and I wonder and wonder why would I do such a thing? His nearness is my good, but I'm so uncomfortable in my skin when He is near, because of my sin, because of my compromise because of the little gray areas of my life that I haven't been completely up front about with myself. How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. And another thing that's interesting, when I looked up this verse in a different version of the Bible I get a whole different spin on this, because in the NIV translation it says; "I have sought Your face with all my heart." Now how does that compare to I have entreated your favor with my whole heart, what is the parallel of the Lord's face to his favor? man...I have a lot more searching to do. This is good though, I love it. Next week I will be 25, and in the beautiful state of Florida, sitting on the beach, reading a good book and getting a nice tan.
Camp is creeping up on me too, I have a month more left until I'm there, it'll get here sooner than I'm ready for. I miss my friends in Kansas City, mostly my roomies....I miss living with them, living with mom and dad isn't as much fun. haha.
alright I'll write more later.
Blessings! | | |
| two weeks from tuesday I will be 25.
two weeks from wednesday I will be in Florida.
six weeks from friday I will be in the adirondacks for the entire summer.
within these next six weeks I want a break through in my spiritual life.
I want the Lord to speak to me, in a new way.
I want to have dreams again, I want to flow in the prophetic again.
I know its because I'm not in the Word as much as I should be, and that needs to change.
I've decided I'm going to start taking care of myself again, putting myself first for awhile.
I've been feeling like crap lately, eating bad food, staying up too late, watching garbage on tv etc. I want to put aside these earthly pleasures and focus on what's eternal, and what really matters, not this life - but what's waiting for me - my exceedingly great reward - Jesus.
I will set my mind on things above, I will set my heart on things to come. Tonight Relevant Worship had a concert in Batavia, and it's so great to see the Lord blessing this group, God truely uses the weak ones to glorify Himself.
I was able to do the merch table and even in that act of service, I had the priviledge to minister to a few different ones that came to the table to browse the merchandise. I felt honored that the Lord chose me in that particular time and moment to reach out to a heart that ached for something more than this world has been offering. To extend a hand of compassion to someone in need. Above all else, give me Yourself.
It's all that I want, when it comes down to it - Jesus. He's all that I want.
And it helps to know that this little weak yes, this little cry in my spirit is known to Him, and His heart is moved. I don't have to work myself up, or jump up and down, do all sorts of acts of service to get Him to see me. He sees me! He sees me right now, He sees me sitting here pouring out my heart, He sees the broken, He sees the ugly, and He LOVES me exactly as I am. To have that realization is the key that has unlocked my heart to know a love that is greater than anything anyone could ever give me.
Yet I still wander off, seeking after other loves...until I get bored, and empty, and the Lover of my Soul beckons me back to rest in His shade...I comply, with head down, full of shame only to be met by a gaze so full of love and so full of affection, I can do nothing but weep in part joy part relief, knowing and believing that I am the Beloved.
Like I said, it's a mysterious dance.
This mystery - Christ in me, the hope of glory.
Give me the knowledge of God, I want to know the deep things of His heart. I want to be a friend of the bridegroom, one that knows His voice when He calls, and one that rejoices with His coming.
Make me a lover, a fascinated lover.
I want to see real beauty - beauty that puts the things of thise world that are so-called beautiful to shame. A broken man on a cross, that's true beauty. The blood that was shed, that's beautiful, a bruised and beaten body, that's beauty.
This beautiful One, this Man of Sorrows, how I love Him. | | |
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